Poking the bear

Poking the bear is defined by the Urban Dictionary as “to act in such a way that has a good but not definite chance of causing trouble.”

My friend Jen pointed out to me a few years ago that Nic and I have a playful way of teasing each other.  As she described it, we like to provoke each other to see what we can get away with. When we first met, I was a very serious person. There was a time
for laughter but most of of the time, life had to be taken very seriously.

I’ve learned thanks to Nic that to be happy you have to laugh, and you have to laugh often.   And because it’s always done in the spirit of
respect and good fun, there is endless potential for laughs when you can tease your best friend.

Well, that good fun came to end today.

An anticipated side effect of my current medications is moodiness.  I figured it would manifest itself slowly, subtly over the next few weeks.
Nope, today, the bear is pissed about being poked (and being bloated).

As if possessed, I made it very clear that I am no longer liable for my reactions to being teased. Instead, I explained, the bear should be fed, hugged, taken shopping (see previous post) and under no circumstances should it be provoked!

Welcome to the zoo, where it's ok to feed the animals!

Shop while my body pops

I want to shop. You see, shopping and I are childhood friends. As a kid, our family outings revolved around shopping. My parents were not like parents today. We went where THEY wanted to go. And on weekends, that meant Ottawa and the brand new Rideau Centre. I remember countless Friday nights wandering through Ottawa's magazine stores or trying on itchy, uncomfortable, overpriced kids clothes. When we travelled to Toronto, we didn't visit the CN Tower, we visited the Eaton Centre.

It probably had something to do with my grandfather, Eli, owning a clothing store. My mom spent her childhood visiting Montreal and Toronto's garment districts. As a result, we spent alot of time tryin on dresses, sweaters, hats, shoes and more dresses. Accomplishments were celebrated with new outfits; breakups were comforted by new clothes. As an adult, I fight the urge to hit the mall when my mood dictates. Sometimes I'm a winner, other times I'm @ Winners.

These days, the urge is deafening. You see, my body is changing. Daily hormone shots and pills are contributing to some welcomed and not so welcomed changes. Nic would like for me to mention my boobs. There, I mentioned it, moving on.

What's different about my need to shop these days, "need" being the operative word, is that I'm not coveting shoes and cute dresses, no, I'm thinking elastic bands and jersey t-shirts! Anything to avoid spending they day at my desk with the top button of my pants undone as I did today.

I wonder if my mom knows any good stores?

CONTROL?

I like being in control. I like to know where I'm going and have an active role in getting there. Admitidley, I'm a terrible backseat driver. Turn left, turn right, slow down, speed up, stop here, go there and on and on an on. In our 7 years together, it's a wonder Nic hasn't once pulled over the car and asked me to get out. I would have!

It's not easy for someone like me to feel a lack of control. It unsettling. But as I get older, I learn to appreciate that the sky won't fall if I'm not on top of everything. The IVF process has been a test There are many unknowns and I can't control the outcome. But I can, and have been, getting my body ready for it's own science experiment.

I'm lucky that we found a friend in Benny who helped Nic and I rediscover the enjoys of exercising (and for helping us rediscover our slimmer bodies!) I'm thankful that it's July and the local markets are full of fresh organic vegetables. A shout out to Chris Penton who runs the Preston Market! love my Saturday visits where I see friends, meet local farmers and come home with bags full of eats! (It's nice when I can satisfy a shopping urge with healthy foods instead of new shoes.)

I'm fortunate to live in Ottawa with its' amazing bike paths and its proximity to my family's cottage. And I am most grateful for the life Nic and I have built and the new lifestyle we've adopted.

So the reality is I have a lot of control over this phase of my life..... except when Nic's driving.

July 22, 0.5ml Suprefact @ 6:30 pm

And that's how our weekend started. Well, it was me in our room. Danny Michel was there too on my iPod.

Most people make babies the old fashion way. And most people don't blog about the process because let's face it, it would be really awkward and most certainly qualify as a career limiting move.

But Nic and I are not like most people. We started trying for a family back in 2008. Really excited, full of hope, on our honeymoon in Turkey actually. I believed that as a successful, well adjusted adult, I could achieve anything I wanted if I was committed, determined and consistent. At 35 years old I learned an important life lesson, there are times, that no matter how badly you want something, life says " sorry, it ain't going to happen the way you want it to"

And so, we can't have children the conventional way, but we can turn to science and innovation and have our own Chemical Romance.

I'm starting this blog for a few reasons. Before I explain, I should add that it's not my intention to use this blog to complain about the process. We both made our peace a long time ago that this not our preferred option. This is my path and I'm starting this journey with eyes wide open. I am interested in sharing my experience because most people don't know details of the IVF process. I've been inspired by our friends and family who want to better understand how it works, what it means for us and how soon it will be before we can share more details.

Second, I'm a science geek. I had a microscope at 8 years old and my own telescope by age 10. I am fascinated by human innovation. Dr. Robert Edwards many years ago began studying fertilization and thanks to man's innovative spirit, found a way to create a life using science.

That's just really cool!